I always envisioned that, when looking for a place of residence, a mist of sparkles and kittens descend upon your mind and all is fantastical. Let me tell you, this mist is just like the Tooth fairy - partly real. It is actually quite the stressful thing, especially when looking at properties requires driving through all the snow. However, as you can imagine, it is also quite a liberating experience that allows you to feel mature and free and it is a wonderful experience for a serious relationship. I hope you all had a lovely holiday and that your 2013 turns out to be a year of fortune for yourself. Take care. x
I need to pick a new song to sing when alone in the house. x
Christmas to-do list:
- Hold numerous Adventure Time and Regular Show marathons
- Intake copious amounts of hot chocolate
- Become one with my guitar again <3
I think the thing that makes it so hard is that even when all goes well outside of your body and mind, you can still manage to slip away into a darkness so inexplicable it leaves you tormented and deprived of sleep. All I can say is thank goodness I have people looking out for me this time around.
Anonymous said: im really struggling with my BPD, afraid to come off anon :( tips?
Sure thing. Hmm well as you probably know it affects everyone differently but the biggest difference is how much control each individual has over it. Though this sounds utterly ridiculous because, well, BPD generally leaves you feeling powerless over your own body, it is true and this means that what helps me might not help you (and vice versa). However, what I found to be the biggest step in gaining control was knowing what emotions I was feeling. I kept a little flip book in my bed side cabinet and wrote notes on my feelings at the time (as well as lyrics to songs I liked). I then linked and compiled notes regarding emotions so in the future I could think “oh, I am feeling sad/jealous/loved etc…” as I knew that the descriptions matched the emotion. I then started to learn what triggered these negative emotions, these ruts, and I tried to learn how to cope/rid of them. It is very DBT-ey but it works..for me. The most difficult part was to understand what I was feeling (aswell as getting over the strange enjoyment I had for the depression. It hurt so bad but when I felt myself slipping behind life I felt safe but it was a false feeling…I knew it was wrong I just needed to find safety elsewhere). Another big help was being able to talk about it when I needed to. Just talking about things seemed to help ease my mind enough to continue with life. This makes it sound plain and easy but unfortunately it is not - I still occasionally get ruts but they are NOwhere near as bad. We can get better, it just takes time and strength. We have to be strong to go on - you have made it this far, right? Well, it wont take much longer to feel the normality we speak of. I hope this was helpful in some way but if not then I do apologise and wish you the very best with everything. Take care and feel free to drop me another message in the future. I would love to hear from you again - perhaps not as an anon next time though. x
I used to be so ashamed and scared to get help when I needed it most because of the strong stigma related with mental illness but it doesn’t even bother me the slightest now-a-days. I have people in my life that are supportive and that really does make everything quite alright. The only problem is that despite the utter contempt and happiness gathered from my external circumstances (of now), thoughts of old are still trying to knock down the doorway to my mind. It is known that one never recovers completely, they simply learn to cope and react as I have done but I certainly wish the memories would fade faster than footsteps from the sand.